During my very lonely childhood and as a young woman, I experienced a lot of emotional abuse. By the time I was eighteen years old I did not love myself at all, and had very low self-esteem. The people that I was supposed to look up to, trust and respect, made me feel that I was less than the ground I stood on.
This is the ONLY photo that was taken of me when l was a baby.
As a young child l remember growing up often feeling unloved, unhappy, extremely insecure and always alone. I was kept in dark rooms on my own for many hours. l was told years later by a close relative, that l was hardly ever taken anywhere in a pram when l was a toddler, and I was not given any toys to play with until l was twelve years old.
7 Behaviors People Who Were Unloved As Children Display In Their Adult Lives
Because of all the emotional abuse I suffered as a young child, I grew into a adult who allowed abusive people to hurt me for many years. I believed that I was not worthy enough to deserve anything better. I did not think that any man would ever want to marry someone like me, because I actually thought I was ugly, and not good enough for anyone to marry.
“When I was a child, I determined my value by how others treated me. Since the abuse misinformed me of my true worth, I continued relationships with people who devalued me throughout my life.
I tolerated it because I agreed with them. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t think I deserved better. I had to take back the power to determine my own worth, and confront the lies of my childhood to break the cycle of abuse”
When I was nineteen years old I worked for a couple of years as an assistant nurse in a psychiatric hospital. At twenty one years of age, I married someone who worked with me at the hospital. Two years later I left my job at the hospital to start a family.
After my five year marriage failed because we were completely incompatible, I ended up happily divorced with three very young children (two daughters and a son). Seven years later I had a son with someone else who I loved very much, but sadly that relationship didn't work out either, because we both had very low self-esteem and didn't love ourselves, so naturally our relationship completely exploded in our faces.
Pulling Your Own Strings
Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People, and Living Your Life As You Choose
By Wayne W Dyer
One day my whole life changed after reading two books, Your Erroneous Zones & Pulling Your Own Strings by Doctor Wayne Dyer. After I read these two books, I finally decided to embark on a long journey to reclaim my self-esteem, and learn how to love myself.
Many years later I read another incredible book called Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward. This book helped me to know if someone was an abusive person, and how to handle them without getting hurt. I highly recommend this book to any woman who is in an abusive relationship. This book was a life saver for me. No longer could any man control and abuse me.
Men Who Hate Women
& The Women Who Love Them
by Doctor Susan Forward
• Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live and behave?
• Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy?
• Is he extremely jealous and possessive?
• Does he switch from charm to anger without warning?
• Does he belittle your opinions, your feelings, or your accomplishments?
• Does he withdraw love, money, approval, or sex to punish you?
• Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship?
• Do you find yourself “walking on eggs” and apologizing all the time?
If the questions here reveal a familiar pattern, you may be in love with a misogynist — a man who loves you, yet causes you tremendous pain because he acts as if he hates you. In this superb self-help guide, Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories, and the voices of men and women trapped in these negative relationships, to help you understand your man’s destructive pattern and the part you play in it.Susan shows how to break the pattern, heal the hurt, regain your self-respect, and either rebuild your relationship, or find the courage to love a truly loving man.
Regaining your self-esteem depends on how strong your level of determination and commitment is, to want to rise above all your past emotional abuse, and your willingness to want to heal yourself. One of my strongest points I like about myself, is that I am a very determined woman, and I believe in never ever giving up, no matter what life throws at you.
My Great Grandmother
Princess De Megeve
This is the only photo I have of my great grandmother Hanna who was Princess De Megeve. She was married to Prince Serge De Megeve. Serge Kazkoff, Count Capre De Megeve. Prince Serge De Megeve was 11th in line to the throne of England at one time.
My Late Grandfather
Was A Earth Angel
I call my Grandfather an Earth Angel, because he always walked in peace with God, and he never ever said a single bad word about anyone. My grandfather is my role model.
My humble Grandfather was a methodist minister. He always gave the most inspiring sermons in beautiful churches, and best of all my Grandfather was someone who always walked his talk.
When l was a young girl, my family and I would sometimes visit my grandparents who lived an hour's drive from us. l would always follow my Grandfather everywhere he went, just like his shadow. He taught me to pray to God, and he taught me all about what real love was.
My grandfather loved making things for me to play with, such as a beautiful doll bed and a great flying fox. He would always let me feed his chickens and collect the eggs. He taught me to love God, nature, animals and gardening.
My Grandfather taught me all about kindness just by his own actions. He had the most gentle and hearty laugh. He would take me for daily country walks to the local dairy farm to buy a can of milk. He would sometimes come to my bedroom at night, and use both of his hands to create different animal shadows on the wall to amuse me, before l went to sleep.
My Grandfather built me a electric go kart which l absolutely loved, but the best thing l loved of all about my Grandfather was how l felt whenever l was by his side. I could always feel God’s heavenly peace surrounding my Grandfather.
My kind Grandfather was the only person in my life as a young child, who l knew truly loved me. He would always give me complete respect and he would never ever hurt my feelings. My grandfather always made me feel that l was special and important.
God bless my Grandfather for always being there for me as a young child when no one else was, and one day we will be together again in Heaven. I know my Grandfather will be waiting there in Heaven to greet me.
Eventually I learnt how to love myself and regained my self-esteem. Looking back at my past experiences, I can see now, how they all helped to shape me into the strong woman I am today.
I have experienced nearly every challenge a woman can face in life, so as a trained counsellor, I have the ability to truly understand and empathize with most women, no matter what situation they have found themselves in. All of my past challenges keep me humble, open minded and non judgemental.
If we want to live a happy and peaceful life, we must first start with ourselves. As adults we cannot look to others to give us back our lost self-esteem. We cannot expect others to constantly give us attention to feed our hungry egos. This is something we have to do for ourselves.