Treat Me Good
There are many people, especially women & children, who have suffered terribly at the hands of an abusive person. Usually an abusive person is very insecure, has low self-esteem, doesn't love themselves and has a strong need to always be in control.
Controlling personalities with good self-esteem &
self-love are needed in this world. They can make excellent world leaders, doctors, policemen, firemen, teachers, politicians and managers of companies.
It is only when they suffer from low self-esteem, deep insecurities and stored up emotional pain and anger, that they can do so much damage to others around them.
Controlling personalities with low self-esteem hardly ever go for counselling or therapy. Their preferred choice of therapy is to vent all their stored up anger, emotional pain & low self-esteem issues out on to others.
Many abusers have been severely abused themselves as children. If they don't try to heal themselves after growing up with emotional and physical abuse, as adults, they will destroy all their relationships with others. They try to push people who love them away, because they feel they are unworthy of being loved.
They always project how they really feel about themselves onto others, and usually blame everyone else for their problems. They are very good at only pointing out other people's faults, but never wish to discuss their own. Their low self-esteem is so bad that they can't bear to look at their own faults.
This Is Why I Didn't Tell You He Was Beating Me
Many abusive people will go to their graves without ever once saying sorry, or trying to make peace with their partners, ex partners and children. In their minds they have convinced themselves, that they did nothing wrong, and that they had nothing to do with the disintegration of their relationships with others. They are incapable of taking responsibility for their actions.
The more insecure & low self-esteem feelings an abusive person has, the more they will cover these vunerable feelings up, by trying to have more power and control over others.
Most controlling personalities with deep insecurities, try to cover up their feelings of inadequacies with many different things. Here are some of them:
Overspending, sex addiction, alcoholism, cigarette addiction, drug addiction, food addiction, gambling, emotionally and physically abusing people, children and animals, having extra marital affairs, raping women, kidnapping people, killing people, bullying others at school, bullying people in the work place, stalking people and stealing from people.
An abusive person's first choice of weapon is to always gain control over others, so that the abuser can feel more secure, more powerful and in control of their own lives. To be in control makes them feel safer, because they think that they are in charge of what happens around them.
The abusive person gains control by constantly hurting another person's feelings either directly or indirectly, and by gradually tearing down their self-esteem. They usually target people who are kind, generous, caring, forgiving and vunerable.
How To Deal With Abusive Men
In relationships, abusive people will try to constantly make their victims angry by irritating them, and always disagreeing with their victims over nearly everything they say.
Abusers try to make their victims angry all the time, because this is the quickest way to weaken a person. A weak victim can be much more easily manipulated and controlled. The victim will usually end up doing anything they're told to do, just to keep the peace.
An abusive person will always be polite, kind and completely charming when they first meet their intended victim. They know how to hide their dark side well from others. They work hard to gain a person's trust and friendship.
In the beginning of their sick relationships with children, abusive & controlling child molesters groom their young intended victims, by gaining the child's trust with lots of friendly attention, buying them presents, plenty of sweets, and with anything else that they feel could win the child over.
Many intelligent people are drawn to charismatic & abusive people. Abusers can be great actors who are experts in pretending to really care about people.
They can even pretend to listen, to act as if they are keenly interested in the other person. Once they are in a relationship with a person, all they will ever do is talk about themselves.
If an intended victim is someone who has to look after others a lot, the abuser will nurture them, and act as if they really want to take care of them.
A lonely, tired and hardworking person would find this type of approach hard to resist. Many single mothers have fallen for this trick.
Many abusive people will search for lonely, kind & vunerable rich people, to have intimate relationships with. Many use the internet to hunt for their victims.
During the very early stages of their relationships, the abuser will quickly profess their deep & undying love for the victim. Many lonely people can become quite flattered by all this heated and passionate attention.
If someone tries to rush a relationship with you, rings you all the time during the day, sends you constant messages on your mobile, wants to see you all the time, tells you that they love you within a week or two, and wants to move in with you quickly, I would suggest it is time for you to back away very slowly.
If you feel that a person you are dating has an obsessive and dominating personality, and is trying to control you more and more, just imagine how much worse they would behave if you were married to them. These kind of people are dangerous and can sometimes even kill you, when they think that you are rejecting them.
Men Who Hate Women & The Women Who Love Them by Susan Forward & Joan Torres
• Does the man you love assume the right to control how you live and behave?
• Have you given up important activities or people to keep him happy?
• Is he extremely jealous and possessive?
• Does he switch from charm to anger without warning?
• Does he belittle your opinions, your feelings, or your accomplishments?
• Does he withdraw love, money, approval, or sex to punish you?
• Does he blame you for everything that goes wrong in the relationship?
• Do you find yourself “walking on eggs” and apologizing all the time?
If the questions here reveal a familiar pattern, you may be in love with a misogynist — a man who loves you, yet causes you tremendous pain because he acts as if he hates you.In this superb self-help guide,
Dr. Susan Forward draws on case histories, and the voices of men and women trapped in these negative relationships, to help you understand your man’s destructive pattern and the part you play in it.
Susan shows how to break the pattern, heal the hurt, regain your self-respect, and either rebuild your relationship, or find the courage to love a truly loving man.
This amazing book will help anyone to know what to do when they are faced with an abusive person in their life. In my opinion this is the best book in the world, for teaching you how to prevent people from abusing you, and how to protect yourself from them.
A loving, happy and emotionally balanced person does not want to control you, or want to know where you are every second of the day.
The abuser works hard to gain their intended victim's trust and love. Once that is achieved, the abuser either pretends that they are in some sort of trouble, and needs their victim's constant emotional and financial support, or they will shower their victim with plenty of gifts and money to trick them in to feeling that they are loved.
Abusive people are never happy, no matter how much love, attention, support or money they are given. They are not even satisfied after they have taken most of their victim's time and money, in every manipulative way they can think of.
Their unsuspecting victim could end up with hardly any friends left, and their bank account being completely cleared out by the abusive person.
Even worse, the abuser could marry their victim and if their victim has plenty of life insurance, the victim could be murdered by the abuser in a well planned freak accident.
After the funeral and a wonderful performance by the supposedly grieving abuser, the abuser can then inherit the house, the car, any business the victim had, any other property and the large insurance payout. Everything!
Then the abuser might move onto the next vunerable and unsuspecting victim. Just like Malcome Webster did to his wife. Look him up on the internet. Malcome acted just like the spider who caught the fly, with quite a few kind & caring women.
If you are married to a very abusive partner and you are insured for a rather large sum of money, you should watch your back, especially if their business is failing, if they have run out of money or they are having an affair and want to leave you, but don't want to split their assets with you.
If your intuition is making you suspicious of them, trust your gut feelings, a woman's intuition is usually correct.
So many people all around the world are murdered by their abusive partners in very suspicious circumstances, especially women who try to leave their partners, or who are insured for large amounts of money.
YOU SHOULD NEVER EVER tell an abusive and controlling person that you are leaving them. You may not get out of the relationship alive if you do.
Many wealthy and abusive people may use money like honey to attract their victims. They may buy you very expensive gifts, take you out to fancy restaurants and generally make you feel that you are at the centre of their universe. You are, but not for the reasons you think.
Usually if the abuser has bought their potential victim expensive gifts & done helpful things for them, their victim feels obligated to make the abuser happy, by allowing themselves to be controlled at times.
After the unsuspecting victim mistakenly believes & trusts that the abuser really has their best interests at heart, and has fallen head over heels in love with them, the abusive person will then strike by playing many manipulative mind games with their victim, in order to gain more and more control over their victim's lives.
One game abusers like to play in order to make you feel confused and insecure, is to ACT like they really love you for one or two weeks, then treat you in a completely opposite and unloving manner for the next one or two weeks. They can become withdrawn, silent or pick on you about everything, the way you dress, your weight, whatever you say to them, basically anything they know you are sensitive about.
This mind game is meant to make you start to become confused. One week everything is fantastic, the next week horrible! When your mind is constantly confused by a partner's actions, it cannot decide which path to go so you stay, hoping that with time everything in the bumpy relationship will right itself again. It will feel like you are in an addictive relationship with a pokie machine, sometimes you will get some love and many other times you won't.
This will also cause you to be consumed with hours of wondering what you could possible have done wrong to cause the distance between you, and you will get to work trying to make things right. Without even being aware of it, you slowly become controlled by the abusive person's changeable moods.
When you live with or marry abusive people, they usually try to take control of the finances, so you can never leave them or to destroy you financially.
In the end the abuser sees their victim as nothing more than just a emotional and/or physical therapy punching bag to be used and abused whenever they feel like it.
If you have a mother who has low self-esteem and a controlling personality, she may target you to use as her emotional punching bag. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for her. She will cause you to feel exactly how she feels about herself.
An abusive mother may for example keep buying you plenty of fattening food so that in the end, you could become so overweight that you lose your self-esteem. This will leave you even more vunerable to her many insults and manipulative mind games. A husband could do the same thing to you, and then blame you for being fat.
If you have a low self-esteem, controlling & abusive father as a child, he may constantly try to make you feel stupid and powerless. Nothing you do will be ever good enough for him, and he will never praise or encourage you. No matter how much you try to please him by doing nice things for him, he will never really be grateful or appreciative. As an adult, you could end up attracting a boyfriend or husband, who does the same thing to you.
Some abusive & controlling fathers and step fathers might even go as far as sexually molesting their own children just for the sake of feeling powerful & in control. Once again they don't even really care if they destroy their children's self-esteems forever, in order to gain that feeling of power and control.
ABUSING OTHERS IS ALWAYS ABOUT WANTING
TO FEEL IMPORTANT, POWERFUL & IN CONTROL!
ALL people have a deep desire to feel important & powerful. If they don't they will do whatever it takes to do so, rightly or wrongly, especially the controlling personalities.
Abusive people won't care what they do to you, they will even try to secretly destroy your character by constantly backbiting you to your friends, their friends and family members.
Forget trying to help, save or change an abusive person. All they will do is blame you completely for their problems, saying that you always keep pressing all their buttons, or that it is you who is the one with all the problems.
Because of their very low self-esteem, abusers won't even allow themselves to ever consider, that they may be hurting people around them. They could not deal with all that, on top of all the unresolved turmoil that is already raging within them.
The other personalities can take a good hard look at themselves, and eventually see how they are hurting others, but not the controlling types. In their minds it's never them that does any wrong, it is always you.
To look at themselves they would have to let their hidden insecurities show, which would make them feel vunerable, powerless and out of control.
This is something only this personality pattern finds very hard to do. Remember being in total control is their comfort zone. The more insecure an abusive person is, the more in control they have to be.
You will usually find the low self-esteem, controlling and abusive personalities to be in positions of power. They usually gravitate to jobs where they are in charge of vunerable adults and children.
For example: company managers, bank managers, childcare workers, teachers, parents, politicians, policemen, prison guards, psychiatric nurses, door salesmen, electricians, plumbers, home builders, doctors, actors, army officers, singers, fashion designers, sports coachs, security guards, car dealers, judges, real estate agents and any other position, where they can use their authority to abuse and control others.
Adults and children who live or work with this type of person usually have to experience lots of stress & drama. The abusive person constantly attacks their character, opinions and motivations to their faces or behind their backs to others.
There are children in daycare centers who are abused daily by some childcare workers. These children are too young to explain to their working parents, about what is happening to them.
Many patients in psychiatric hospitals are abused by some nurses. The patients can not phone their family or express what is happening to them, because they have brain damage.
After living with, working for or being cared for by an abusive person for a long time, most abused victims slowly lose their self-esteem and stop caring for themselves. If possible they will try to avoid the company of the abusive person as much as they can.
Children usually role model themselves on the strongest parent in a marriage. When they see one of their parents becoming weaker and accepting abuse from their abusive partner, children will then turn to what appears to them to be the more stronger and more powerful parent, to role model themselves on.
Unfortunately when these children start growing up,
if they also have a controlling personality, they will subconsciously repeat the same abusive behaviour, to the parent who was a victim of the abusive parent, and then as adults, they will also abuse their partners and children.
If a child does not role model themselves on the abusive parent, because they felt sorry for the parent who was the victim, they will then copy the abused parent's behaviour, and become adults who will also attract abusive, manipulative friends and unloving partners.
Of course there are the exceptions where a child dislikes what the abusive parent is doing to the other parent, promising to themselves that they would learn from their abusive parent's mistakes and not repeat that behaviour as adults.
As an adult if you do find the courage to leave an abusive partner who refuses to get help, you must be very careful. Many abusive people can be revengeful. They will do anything they can to make you pay for leaving them. You must NEVER tell them you are leaving them while you are still living with them. You could end up being severely bashed up or dead.
They could end up hating you for making them feel rejected, insecure, vunerable, powerless and not in control anymore.
They will lie about you to others about why you really left them. They always tell their friends, family and new partners that you were just a lazy, selfish, controlling, ungrateful and crazy person, who never appreciated anything they did for you.
There are many abusers who are so controlling that if you do finally manage to escape their clutches, they could snap, come after you and decide to punish you by killing you and/or your children if you had any with them.
If you have any inner feelings of danger concerning yourself and/or your children's safety on access with their abusive parent, please trust your feelings and do whatever you have to, to protect yourself and your children.
When you have left your abusive partner, and you still have to deal with them, for example on access visits with the children, on the phone or if they have started to constantly stalk you, record everything from the very beginning with a video and a voice recorder! Make a file on your computer, collect everything, it will all help you so much if you have to take them to court.
The police and the courts will not help protect you in any way, unless you have some real hard evidence, that your partner has threatened your life, or is constantly stalking you.
Before you leave your abusive partner, it is a good idea to make a plan, and if you can, save money & keep it where it can't be found. Hide money away from the house if necessary, maybe in the backgarden under the roses.
Do not tell anyone of your plans, because after you have left, your abusive partner might inquire about you through all the places you like to go, friends & family members that you visit. Just tell those you can completely trust and who do not like your partner.
Maybe shift everything you need out of the house when they are at work, with the help of friends or family. If you feel you are in any danger enlist the help of a social worker or the police. Make sure you write a list of what you will need to start a new life.
On the day that you want to leave, behave like you usually do in the morning, if you act or do anything different this could alert them to the fact that you are up to something. Abusive people are very good at sensing things about you.
Go somewhere that they don't know about and do not use an atm, or ring anyone that could leave a trail for them. They could file you with the police as a missing person. Watch the film Enough with Jennifer Lopez for some ideas.
It is a good idea to wear hats, caps, wigs & dark glasses to escape from an abusive person. Anything that will make you and your children (if you had any with them) look different. Store these things in a duffle bag somewhere away from the home too. Maybe hire a locker.
Think about your license plate on your car and find a way that the police can't trace you with that.
I also think opening a new savings account at a different bank, that they don't know about would be good idea too. Maybe a trusted friend could open an account for you in their name.
I would also pray to God and your Guardian Angels to protect and guide you at all times, until you are somewhere safe. Look at the Remover of Difficulties prayer on my Prayers page. Learn it off by heart. It is so powerful. It saved my life a few times.
This prayer is the reason I am still alive to this day.
Many years ago a ex-boyfriend attempted to murder me for leaving him.
While he had his hands around my throat, time slowed down for me and I said this prayer in my head. He let go of my throat instantly.
Here are a few reasons for why a person becomes abusive.
1. Abusive parent as a role model.
2. Childhood emotional and/or physical abuse.
3. Dominating Mother or Father.
7. Brain damage.
8. Drug Abuse.
9. Childhood sexual molestion.
10. Raped as a child or young adult.
11. Social conditioning in a tradional culture where women are seen to be completely inferior to men.
12. Extreme B group vitamins deficiency.
15. Sensitivity to honey, glucose, preservatives and
Things That An Abusive Person Will Do To You
1. They will twist whatever you are saying into something else in order to start an argument. They will use the argument as an excuse to esculate it, into verbally and/or physically abusing you.
2. They will yell loudly at you, invade your space by coming up close to your face, swear a lot and point their finger at you.
3. They will lie about you & backstab you to others to make them think you are the one causing all the problems. They do this so you will have no one to go to for support & to cover up what they are doing.
4. They will try to damage all your friendships, so that in the end all you will have in your life is your abuser. That way they can really get down to work and destroy your self-esteem without any interference.
5. They will ring you constantly during the day to see where you are and what you doing. They will want to know who you are with, and when you will be back at work or home.
6. They will try to control the finances so that you can never leave them & to make you feel powerless.
7. If you have any children with them, they will constantly try to turn your children against you, and tell them that you are a selfish, crazy and lazy person.
8. Some abusers will threaten your life and your children's (if you had any with them), when you tell them that you want to leave them. As a result of their threats you may become too afraid so you will stay.
9. One week they will be full of charm and act like they love you, even buying you presents, taking you out to restaurants and going for drives. Then the next week they will act the complete opposite towards you, by making you feel that they hate you, and that you are making them miserable.
This method of abuse is meant to confuse you, so that you can't decide whether or not to stay or leave.
10. They may physically push, hit or punch you, blame you for it, or later on say that they are sorry and it won't happen again. But it does, over and over again. They always blame you for their angry and aggressive outbursts, and always accuse you of starting the arguments.
After being abused by them each time, they may buy you something or do things you like to appease you, so that you will stay for further abuse later on down the track.
After being treated this way for a while, you may begin to feel highly stressed, depressed, hopeless and lose all your self-esteem. In the end you will feel so worthless as a human being, that you may not try to escape, fearing that no one else could possibly love you.
11. They will constantly try to undermine your self-confidence by placing themselves in a parental role, to make you feel like a child (even if you are in your thirties, forties or fifties). They will nearly always disagree with anything you say.
They will try more and more to make you completely dependent on them, so you will feel that you would not be able to cope on your own anywhere else.
Please look on the pages sugar, gluten allergy and bi-polar first, just to see if your abusive partner or anyone else you know is abusive, could be reacting to any or all of these things. I have seen some very angry & aggressive people become a lot more peaceful, when they had less sugar & gluten in their diets.
Pulling Your Own Strings
Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People
and Living Your Life As You Choose By Wayne W Dyer
Another book that I think is important to read if you have controlling family members, friends, parents, partners or a husband is Pulling Your Own Strings by Doctor Wayne Dyer. It will completely change your life, by helping you to take back the power and control over your own life again.
If you are someone who has a lot of unresolved emotional pain and anger stored inside of you, I highly recommend that you order these two hypnotherapy MP3 downloads:
Abuse Healed through Forgiveness MS
Stop Being Angry MS
There are two sides to both of them. One side has music with subliminal hypnotherapy and the other side, you will hear the hypnotherapist's voice. You can burn just the hypotherapy sides of both of them on to one cd if you want to.
Play them at least once every day for thirty days or until you have achieved the results that you desire. It takes thirty days to reprogram the brain.
Rid Yourself Of Toxic People Now And Forever!
"If you are going to be successful, you have to start hanging out with the successful people."
— Jack Canfield
Do you really want a better and more successful and fulfilling life? One of the fastest ways you can profoundly change your life is to rid yourself of toxic people. Oh! I know, that is not very charitable, diplomatic, Gandhi'esk or Christ-like for me to say, but I am not Gandhi or Christ, and I suspect you aren't either.
So, if you are a regular person like me, and not secretly walking on water when no one is watching, then this message may be for you.Your life was meant for more than being a life-long doormat for deadbeats, losers, gossipers, nay-sayers, dream-crushers, energy vampires, users, abusers, ragers and passive-aggressive backstabbers.
Some of these people are rabidly-infected with obvious madness. Some have less obvious ways, such as the "helpful" enabler, who sends you off to your destruction with a helping hand and a smile. Some are "doubt-whispers," who plant the seeds of non-belief in your heart to take root, so they can then console you in your inevitable moment of defeat.
Call them what you want, you know exactly who I am talking about. One thing always reveals their sometimes hidden identity — after you have been around them, how do you feel; have you been depleted and drained or energized and inspired?"
"From the backstabbing co-worker to the meddling sister-in-law, you are in charge of how you react to the people and events in your life. You can either give negativity power over your life or you can choose happiness instead." — Anais Nin
I know you want to be a good person and be helpful to people in need, but it's impossible to give to others if you have been used-up. Don't forget to be good to yourself first. Don't forget to take care of you! It is never cruel to want to save yourself from being swamped by fools. You cannot save everyone.
Some people are going to destroy themselves no matter how much you try to help them. Their lives are full of emptiness, chaos and dysfunction, and they will bring their misery and pain into your life with full-force if you allow it.
Then there are others who have the outward appearance of success and are seemingly not self-destructive in nature. These people do not destroy themselves, but instead survive through the destruction of others — these are the users.
Either of these types of people will latch-on to you in a death-spiral and take you down to the depths of hell with them. This is your life and you have the right and responsibility to make good decisions for yourself "You cannot expect to live a positive life if you hang with negative people." — Joel Osteen
You must firmly, absolutely and ruthlessly protect your safety and sanity. Misery loves good company, so if you are surrounded with drama, gossip and fools you may want to consider that you are presently at risk of becoming one of them.
The real zombie-apocalypse is the pandemic of drama and mediocrity. Troublemakers will infect you with the malady of their madness. And especially, if your positivity immune system is low, any exposure to a person afflicted with negativity can poison your life.
You have to get these people out of your life once and for all. When you do come in contact with one of these people run for your life. Get to safety. Meditatively and spiritually decontaminate yourself. Scrub down your brain with a wire-brush and remove their insanity from the corridors of your mind.
Inoculate yourself immediately by creating a safe space and aligning yourself with healthy people. If you have to go it alone for a while until you find your healthy tribe and chosen family, that is fine.
Being alone is much better than being around negative people out of loneliness or desperation. "Inoculate yourself from dangerous bozos." - Guy Kawasaki
Even professionals like therapists, psychologists and social workers limit their exposure to their clients and draw boundaries. What makes you think you can handle unlimited exposure to toxic people and survive?
You can still be a charitable person who helps and cares about people, without helping those very people destroy your life. Learn how to draw a line and learn how to enforce it. Get selfish and take care of you.
Cleanliness and order is good Feng Shui which applies to people even more than to the things in your life. You must clear out what you don't want to make room for what you do what to arrive.
The way to send a clear message to the universe that you are ready for better people is the kick the rascals to the curb. The intimate space of your personal life should be reserved for amazing, beautiful, radiant souls — good, wholesome and loving people.
Your truest family is your chosen family, people with whom you most identify. Make a clear decision on the type of people you want in your life and if they don't make the cut, then create some distance.
It doesn't matter if it is a close relative, parent or child-hood friend; no matter the history — when people are toxic, disruptive and dysfunctional with no reasonable signs of recovery, then they need to go. Love toxic people from a distance.
"End it now! Don't waste another minute dealing with a toxic, negative, energy-draining person. Some people are wired for negativity. They love being argumentative, combative and abusive.
Run for your life as quickly as possible. Life is too short and unpredictable to deal with these emotional vampires. They feed off of stressing you out, raising hell and creating drama for you. The toxic energy will turn your hair gray overnight, cause you to gain weight and rob you of your health.
Don't waste valuable time trying to change them. Change yourself and get them out of your life! Don't say a word; leave all of your belongings if you have to in the middle of the night.
Cut off all communication. Don't take their calls. You have heard all the lies before. They will not change. They don't choose to change. It is who they have decided to be.
Move to another city, if you must, and start all over again. Your life is worth it. You deserve to have peace of mind, a great relationship and an exciting life.
Watch how dramatically your life will change for the better once you get this burden off your back. The air you breathe will become fresh and invigorating. You will feel an infusion of exuberance, energy and love for life.
With this stifling, suffocating and controlling person out of your life, get ready to live again and be the person that you've always wanted to be. Live life on your own terms, not having to answer to anyone but yourself. Control your own destiny." — Les Brown
Practically every successful person you know of is successful, in part, because they moved the destructive and disruptive people out of their lives. Successful people carefully manage their energy and associations; they are gatekeepers.
Who you allow into your life, mind and heart are among the most important decisions you will ever make. Take inventory of the people with whom you spend the most time. Who you spend your time with is who you are, or who you will soon become.
Limit your exposure to unhealthy and unsupportive people. Love yourself enough to say no to people who diminish your chances for a beautiful life. Sometimes you have to get away from what you know to discover what you don't know.
Align yourself with a new tribe of healthy people who are supportive of your highest good and potential. Find the people who are living the lifestyle you wish for yourself and who share your values, and create a new family of friends that you can call, "home."
By Bryant McGill
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